we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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