how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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