Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
