I want to walk on stilts...naked
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
