my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
