So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
