Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
