She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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