Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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