She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
