Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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