I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
