these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
