Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
