So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
its not stalking. its research.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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