Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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