did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I need to calm my uterus...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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