my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
