hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
