Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
drinking out of a sandbucket again
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
