why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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