Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
