There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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