He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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