I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
