Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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