Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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