The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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