I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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