So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
