after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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