i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
