This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
