I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
