lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
