Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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