i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
