Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
