update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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