Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
