The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
