i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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