I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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