You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
