I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
