Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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