if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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