the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
