How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You don't make any sense
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