This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
